How Do You Protect Your Marriage?

We just came back from our much-awaited annual family retreat last week. It was refreshing and soul-lifting. I praise God for the chance to slow down, to laugh and talk and enjoy each other’s company without rushing. We made it a goal to set a time each year just for this to pause, reflect, and be reminded of God’s purpose in our family. David, our son, looks forward to this trip because he gets all our attention. We plan our retreat during school breaks and in the middle of the year, even if it costs quite a bit. It’s worth it.

June is not just our family trip month, it’s also durian season and David’s birthday! It gets expensive transport, food, accommodation but we save up for it. My husband Vandy is a great planner. While I’m more of the spontaneous type (and yes, a spender!), he balances me out. We save for this retreat every month, so when the time comes, it’s not a burden. Vandy books early, during low season, for discounts. David and I just show up and enjoy the hard part, the planning and budgeting, Vandy already handled. Everything went smoothly. The three of us were refreshed. We explored the beautiful countryside of Kep and Kampot, surrounded by God’s creation the sea, the mountains, rivers, sunsets. We came home full of joy.

But right after a spiritual high often comes a test. And that’s what happened.

We got home with boxes full of fruits and hearts full of stories. We even hosted some pastor friends to eat durian together. But soon, I felt body aches and nausea. I thought I was just tired. The next day, I still tried to go about my routine. I went to the market, bought "cha kway" Khmer fried donut bread for David’s breakfast and ingredients to cook pinakbet (a Filipino vegetable dish) to partner my tuyo (dried fish) gifted by Ms. Allyn. These are my comfort foods. A Filipino living abroad would understand it’s rare and special.

Cooking made me feel a bit better. Until my husband came out of our room, wrinkled his nose, and said, “What a terrible smell!” He meant the tuyo. I took his words personally. I was hurt. I snapped, “I never complain about your fermented fish!” Then, without thinking, I took the remaining tuyo and threw it all away. I didn’t yell. But I was sarcastic, sharp. And I knew I had disrespected him.

Silence followed. That painful silence. I withdrew into myself. My pride took over. I was upset, not just physically unwell, but emotionally and spiritually too. I started to burn with fever and chills. I couldn’t face my family. Shame, pride, and hurt filled my heart.

Yet, through that silence, my husband still cared. He checked on me, messaged me on Telegram, bought me a thermometer, brought things I needed, and reminded me gently to take medicine. He didn’t argue. He didn’t fire back. He was quiet but his quietness was filled with grace. That silence reminded me of this truth:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

My husband was protecting our marriage even when I wasn’t. His gentle response calmed the storm I was creating. I cried. Alone in our bedroom, I poured my heart out to God. How could I go from a joyful retreat to this mess? I realized it was a spiritual attack. The enemy seeks to divide, especially after a moment of spiritual breakthrough. I let pride in, and it poisoned my thoughts.

I repented. I asked forgiveness from God. Then I humbled myself and asked Vandy for forgiveness. He forgave me and said he was thankful that I recognized God’s prompting. He reminded me, gently, that people around us our son, nephew, sister-in-law are watching. We are examples to them.

And then came the sweetest moment. My boys went out to buy our weekly supplies and came home with iced coconut coffee and a chocolate croissant just for me. Simple, sweet gestures that melted my heart. I felt so loved.

That’s how God heals.

7 Truths to Protect Your Marriage

1. Love is a daily choice.

“Love is patient, love is kind… it keeps no record of wrongs.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

You don’t protect your marriage by big romantic gestures once in a while. You protect it in the daily, ordinary moments like choosing to be kind even when you're tired.

2. Pride breaks, humility restores.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

When pride rises, walls are built. When humility enters, healing flows. Don’t wait for your spouse to say sorry first. Be the first to humble yourself.

3. Conflict is not the enemy — silence without resolution is.

“In your anger do not sin... do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” – Ephesians 4:26

Disagreements are normal. What’s dangerous is pretending everything is okay when it’s not. Talk, resolve, pray.

4. Forgiveness is a shield.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

Unforgiveness builds bitterness. Bitterness blinds us. Forgive, not just for them, but for your heart to stay soft.

5. Marriage needs protection from spiritual attacks.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion...” – 1 Peter 5:8

After spiritual highs, be more alert. Satan doesn’t like thriving marriages. Don’t let your guard down.

6. Gentle responses disarm conflict.

“A gentle tongue can break a bone.” – Proverbs 25:15

Not every harsh word needs a reply. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than arguments. Be the peacekeeper.

7. God must be the center.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” – Psalm 127:1

We can budget, plan, vacation, and organize but without God as our foundation, everything else is fragile.

5 Practical and Simple Ways to Protect Your Marriage

1. Pray together. Even if it’s just for five minutes a day. Prayer keeps hearts soft and connected.

2. Go on regular dates. Even simple ones a walk, shared coffee, a quiet meal after the kids sleep.

3. Don’t let issues pile up. Talk it out. Don’t bottle things in until they explode.

4. Compliment more than you complain. Make it a habit to say something kind every day.

5. Pause before reacting. Ask God to help you pause and think before you speak. Especially during tense moments.

A Prayer to Protect Your Marriage:

Lord, 

Thank You for the gift of marriage. Teach me to love with patience and grace. Protect our home from pride, selfishness, and division. Help me to be humble, to listen, to forgive, and to always choose peace. Be the center of our relationship. May our love reflect Yours. 

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Marriage is hard work. But it’s also a beautiful journey.

Whether you are single or married, may this story remind you that no one is perfect not even in marriage. But when we let God lead, when we humble ourselves, when we protect our homes with love and grace we find joy. Real joy. Not because everything is perfect, but because God is present.

Let your home be a place of peace, not pride. A place of forgiveness, not fear. And a place where love always finds its way back.

Let’s protect our marriages not with walls, but with worship.

Sharing with you more personal experiences here Marriage 👈

Praying with you,

Tess 💗👍🙏🙋