(Part 2) How to discipline your child in the Spectrum?
Learning from a Sunday Meltdown
Parenting is a journey of faith, patience, and continuous learning. As a mother of an 11-year-old son on the autism spectrum, I have realized that discipline is not just about setting rules but about understanding, guiding, and most importantly, reflecting Christ’s love. This became very clear to me last Sunday when I caused my son David’s meltdown at church while my husband was preaching.
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Discipline Must Be Rooted in Love
“The Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” – Proverbs 3:12
Discipline is not punishment but a way to teach and correct. My initial reaction to David’s disobedience at church was frustration. I was too focused on enforcing the rules we had set, forgetting that discipline should always be an act of love, not anger. When I failed to show self-control, I triggered his meltdown instead of guiding him toward understanding.
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Train Up a Child with Consistency
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
From the time David was little, we have been intentional in teaching him discipline and responsibility. He knows that obedience and respect are non-negotiables in our home. However, Sunday reminded me that training does not only happen through rules but through the daily practice of patience, understanding, and prayerful guidance.
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A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
When David refused to sit still and ignored my calls, I reacted in frustration. My voice became firm, my emotions heightened, and instead of de-escalating the situation, I made it worse. I was reminded that my son, like many children, responds better to a calm and understanding approach. When my husband Vandy arrived, he gently reminded me that David’s emotions mirror our own—if we remain calm, he learns to regulate his own feelings better.
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Forgiveness Restores Relationships
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
One of the most beautiful moments that day was when David came to me and asked for forgiveness. With teary eyes, he acknowledged his mistake and said, “Mom, I am sorry for disrespecting you and being disobedient at church today. Can you forgive me?” That moment was a powerful reminder that our home is built on love and grace. We forgive because we have been forgiven by God.
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God’s Peace Should Rule in Our Hearts
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” – Colossians 3:15
As a pastor’s wife, I sometimes feel pressured to maintain an image of composure and grace, even when I am struggling inside. But in moments like this, I am reminded that parenting is not about perfection but about allowing God’s peace to reign in our hearts. That day, when I finally calmed down and reflected, I saw how much I needed God’s help to parent with wisdom and patience.
5 Practical Tips for Raising a Child and Managing Disciplining Stress
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Be Intentional in Setting Expectations but Stay Flexible
Before going to church, I had reminded David to sit with me and focus on worship. However, I did not anticipate the distraction of a dog. Children, especially those on the spectrum, can be unpredictable. Setting clear expectations is good, but we must also remain flexible and adjust when needed.
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Use Calm and Gentle Communication
When emotions run high, shouting or reacting in anger often escalates the problem. David responds best when we communicate in a gentle tone, explaining things calmly. Instead of saying, “Sit down now!” I could have asked, “David, do you remember our agreement? Let’s sit together and talk about the dog later.”
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Model Self-Control and Emotional Regulation
If I want my son to manage his emotions well, I must first model it myself. My husband, Vandy, does this so well. When he arrived at our scene at church, his presence alone helped David and me calm down. Self-control is not easy, but when we practice it, our children learn from us.
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Turn Moments of Discipline into Moments of Teaching
Discipline should not just be about consequences but about teaching and guiding. After we reconciled, I took the opportunity to affirm David that while his behavior at church was not acceptable, he is deeply loved. We then shifted our focus to making Graham ice cream bars together—a simple but meaningful way to restore our bond and teach him that love is unconditional.
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Pray with and for Your Child
No matter how much we prepare or plan, parenting is impossible without God’s help. Praying with and for our children allows us to invite God’s wisdom into our parenting. That night, after everything had settled, I whispered a prayer for David, thanking God for him and asking for guidance in raising him with love and discipline.
Final Thoughts
Last Sunday was a tough but necessary lesson for me. It reminded me that discipline is not about control but about guiding our children in love. As parents, we will make mistakes, but what matters is how we respond—whether we allow our failures to make us bitter or to make us better.
David’s journey is different from other children, and as his parents, Vandy and I must be intentional in how we disciple him in the ways of the Lord. If we want him to grow in wisdom and maturity, we must first show him what it looks like to live in faith, patience, and grace.
Raising a child is challenging, but with God’s help, we can navigate it with love, forgiveness, and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13
Serving in Cambodia,
The Hourngs
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