Setting Our Hearts on Things Above

For many Khmer families, Pchum Benh is the most important religious and cultural event of the year. It is a time of remembrance, of obligations, and of traditions passed down from one generation to another. For us as Christians, it is also a time to live out our faith in a way that honors family while holding firmly to the hope we have in Christ.

The ride from Phnom Penh to Kampong Cham takes a few hours. Along the way, the scenery changes from the busy chaos of the city to the slower pace of the countryside.

We pass rice fields stretching endlessly on both sides of the road, dotted with farmers wearing wide-brimmed hats and "krama" Khmer scarf. The smell of grilled meat and sticky rice from roadside stalls drifts into the car. David, always curious, points out the cows grazing lazily and the small children running barefoot along the dusty paths.

In these moments, I silently pray. “Lord, prepare our hearts. Help us to shine Your light as we visit Vandy’s family. Help us not just to go through the motions of another holiday, but to be present, to love, and to reflect You.”

By the time we arrive at the village, relatives are sometimes already gathered. Smiles, hugs, and the familiar aroma of home-cooked Khmer food greet us. 

From my previous post, I already shared the meaning and importance of Pchum Benh for Khmers. You may read the post here: 👉 Reflections on Pchum Benh

For those unfamiliar, Pchum Benh is a 15-day religious observance that culminates in a three-day national holiday. It is not a festival of joy but one of solemn remembrance. Cambodians believe that during this time, the gates of the underworld are opened, and spirits of the dead including hungry ghosts are free to roam the earth.

Families bring food offerings to the pagoda, believing they can transfer merit to their deceased relatives. By doing so, they hope to alleviate suffering, grant peace, and secure a better rebirth for their loved ones. 

The emotional weight of Pchum Benh is immense. It is driven by love for family but also by fear, fear of neglecting duties, fear of curses, fear of leaving ancestors to suffer.

The Meaning and Importance for Khmers

To understand Cambodia is to understand Pchum Benh.

• Family Duty
  Khmers carry a strong sense of obligation to honor parents and ancestors. This is seen not as optional, but as central to one’s identity.

• Spiritual Fear
  The idea that ancestors are roaming, hungry, and waiting for offerings creates a heavy sense of responsibility. Many participate not only out of love but out of fear of misfortune.

• Community Bonding
  It is also a season when families return to their home provinces, reconnect, and sit together to share meals and stories.

This is why, for Vandy’s relatives, our visit matters so much. Even though we do not join in the rituals at the pagoda, we still come. We still sit with them, eat with them, and listen to their stories. That presence speaks volumes.

A Family Meal and a Lesson in Love

On our first evening in Kampong Cham, the family gathers around and sit on wooden or bamboo floor. Plates of steaming rice, grilled fish, sour soup, and pickled vegetables fill every corner. David’s eyes light up as he reaches for yummy dishes, careful to wait until his "Kong kong" and "Mayey" grandparents have served themselves first.

The conversation flows easily. Stories of the past year are exchanged, harvests, school updates, village news. My mother-in-law pats David’s shoulder and tells him, “You are growing tall like your cousin Pich.” He smiles proudly.

In moments like these, I am reminded that love is expressed not only in grand gestures but also in simple presence. Just being there, eating together, and valuing their company is our way of honoring them.

We do not need to bow at the pagoda to show respect. We honor them by showing up, by listening, by loving.

Our Quiet Witness

Sometimes, people expect evangelism to always be loud or direct. But here, in this context, it is often the quiet witness that speaks the loudest.

When relatives go to the pagoda, we do not follow. Instead, we stay behind, helping with chores, playing with the children, or sitting with the grandparents.

Making "Ansoum" together (Khmer rolled sticky rice)

They know we are Christians. They know we do not take part in the rituals. And yet, they do not resent us for it. In fact, they often remark how much they appreciate our visits. “It is good that you came,” they tell us. “It shows you value family.”

This recognition that we are different yet still loving opens a door. It makes them curious. It makes them see that being a follower of Christ is not about rejecting family, but about loving them in a deeper way.

Setting Our Hearts on Things Above

Colossians 3:1 speaks right into this cultural moment.

• While many set their hearts on fulfilling duties to the dead, we set our hearts on Christ, who gives us freedom from fear.

• While many believe salvation comes from merit and offerings, we trust in the finished work of Jesus on the cross.

• While many are bound by obligation, we are invited into joyful assurance of eternal life.

To set our hearts on things above means to remember our loved ones with love, not fear. 

It means to cherish their memory while trusting God with eternity. 

It means honoring parents and grandparents in their lifetime, rather than trying to rescue them after death.

How Christians Can Respond in Love

Living in Cambodia, we cannot simply ignore Pchum Benh. It is woven into the fabric of society. But as Christians, our response must be shaped by love.

1. Understand the Heart Behind It
   Recognize that the desire to help ancestors comes from love. Instead of mocking, show compassion.

2. Show Respect
   Even if we do not join in rituals, we can still respect the people who practice them. Being sensitive during this season goes a long way.

3. Affirm What is Good
   The commandment to honor parents aligns with the heart of Pchum Benh. Affirming this helps build bridges.

4. Point to the Gospel Gently
   We can share that our hope is not based on works or offerings, but on Christ. This truth, shared gently, can bring peace.

5. Practice Presence
   Sometimes the most powerful testimony is simply showing up—sharing a meal, asking questions, and listening.

A Season of Opportunity

Pchum Benh is not just a religious holiday. For us, it is an opportunity.

• To reconnect with family

• To show love without compromise

• To share hope in natural, gentle ways

We may not see immediate fruit. But every year, with every visit, every conversation, every meal shared, I believe God is at work.

My Closing Reflection

As this Pchum Benh season continues, I carry Colossians 3:1 in my heart: “Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is.”

This verse reminds me that while the world around us is caught in fear and obligation, we can lift our eyes to Christ, who gives peace.

We honor our ancestors with love, not fear. 
We respect our families without joining rituals that contradict our faith. 
We trust that God will make a way, in His time, for the seeds we plant to grow.

If you are a Christian in Cambodia, may this season be one where you live out your faith with love and sensitivity. If you are not yet a believer, may you consider the hope that Christ offers, freedom from fear, peace in the present, and assurance for eternity.

🙏 Prayer

“Lord Jesus, thank You for reminding us to set our hearts on things above. During this Pchum Benh season, help us to honor our families, love our neighbors, and shine Your light. Give us courage to share the hope we have in You, not through arguments, but through gentle love and consistent presence. Bless our relatives, open their hearts, and let them see Your grace. May our lives reflect Your truth in every word, every action, every meal we share. Amen.” 

Happy Pchum Benh! 
The Hourngs 😅😍🙏