Parenting our 11-Year-Old Son

Father and son: Forgiveness & Reconciliation during the worship service

@ PPC last Sunday

Over the weekend, David showed rudeness while waiting for dinner. He would always like to drink pumpkin juice and munch on pumpkin chips (both homemade by Kunthy sister-in-law) whenever he comes home from playing outside. He seemed unpleased when he realized they were all gone, and Aunt Kunthy only made the chili-flavored ones. He wasn't happy about it and complained with pouting lips. Dad overheard it and talked to him about this not-so-good behavior. He reminded our son to be grateful and thankful instead of grumbling about it. We suggested he wait for dinner, but he still keeps on complaining that he is tired and hungry from playing. He actually has some leftover rice from lunch (it has been a practice at home not to waste any food, so any leftovers could be reheated and eaten for snacks/mealtime). He also didn't like it. He went on bargaining with Dad. Our son has slight autism, and this kind of back-and-forth conversation is already part of his "self-stimulating behavior" in a nutshell repetitiveness. It's challenging most of the time because even David would not understand how to regulate himself. This time he was already walking back and forth, and his voice was becoming louder and sounded disrespectful. I'm so thankful that my husband was around because he is calmer than me. I am actually the emotional and sensitive one. I would be triggered ahead, and my instant reaction would be to blast out loud and tell our son enough or go to his room first. At this point, Dad intervened. I left the room and let them be. I went for a walk in the park and prayed. I came back and found David at the study table writing or drawing something. I asked Dad about the updates. He said it was tough to explain anything to him at the moment. Both of them requested for time out!


Yes, I wrote it correctly. Both child and parents need timeouts together too. I know for Asians this is new and not being practiced, but through the years, "timeout" has helped our family a lot. This is where we need to space out and process first. It's hard to impose anything at this point. We had a quieter dinner, and praise God no more tensions. After washing up, David hugged me and felt crying especially when I asked how's his heart doing? He said his heart was not angry anymore but really sad. I listened to his why and didn't reason out. I was just there for him and explained to him the disrespectful part. He said he was not ready to reconcile with Dad yet, I assured him to take his time and be sincere once he's ready. We normally pray as a family before going to bed. It was supposed to be David's turn to lead the prayer, but he asked me to do it instead. That night, Vandy told me he felt uneasy and sad too for his son still hated him 😔💔 oh my boys!

The next day Sunday while all of us were getting ready at church, I think David was just waiting for the right time to approach Dad. When we got to church, David came to his dad and asked for forgiveness for his bad behavior. Dad assured him that he had already forgiven him. He even said that he would always love him no matter what and so they kissed and hugged during the worship service. It also good that he said sorry to his aunt Kunthy as well.

Went back home for Lunch after worship service and these two boys still hugging 👍💓💗


My husband and I are still navigating the unique challenges and joys of raising a child in Cambodia. Today, I want to share my thoughts on 1 Thessalonians 5:12-18, it is providing us invaluable guidance for parenting our own son. This passage encourages us to "acknowledge and encourage one another in love" and to "strive for peace with everyone."
I love how it ended with "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
As I reflect on these verses, here are some learnings I can apply to raising our 10-year-old son, particularly when addressing negative behavior.


First, Correcting in Love - When our son misbehaves, it's natural to feel frustrated or disappointed. However, that verse "correct in love" in (Proverbs 3:12) is reminding me to address the wrong behavior calmly and firmly, while expressing our love and care for our child. As much as possible avoid harsh words or punishments that could damage the relationship. Instead, focus on understanding the root cause of the behavior and helping our son see the negative consequences of his actions.

Prayer: 

Lord, help me to approach my son with love and patience, even when I'm frustrated. Guide me to understand the underlying reasons for his behavior and to offer gentle correction that will lead him towards growth and obedience.


Second, Guiding Towards Forgiveness - Our son is in the spectrum, but it doesn't mean he wouldn't be taught the sincere meaning of forgiveness. Teaching our son the importance of forgiveness is crucial for the spiritual and emotional development. David actually learned easily if he sees it, that's why modeling how to do forgiveness is vital. Vandy and I are intentional about this, so we make it a point to show him. When our son has done something wrong, we should lovingly guide him towards asking forgiveness. Explain to him that apologizing is not about weakness but about humility and a desire to make things right. Help him understand that true forgiveness involves not only words but also actions that demonstrate a commitment to change.

Prayer: 

Lord, help my son to recognize his mistakes and to develop a humble heart that is willing to ask forgiveness. Teach him the importance of reconciliation and the healing power of forgiveness.

In addition to correcting in love and guiding towards forgiveness, here are five tips that hopefully could help us parenting our own children 😅💪😍

a. Discipline with Love: Be consistent and age-appropriate discipline is essential for teaching children right from wrong. Avoid punishment or physical discipline, which can damage relationship and lead to resentment. Instead, use natural consequences and time-outs to help your child learn from his mistakes. One of our disciplines at home is deducting privileges. Our son is only allowed watching TV, online games, and using YouTube on Friday night+Weekends. Cutting hours of these activities are precious to him.
Prayer: 

Lord, give me wisdom and discernment in disciplining my son. Help me to set clear boundaries and to use discipline as a tool for teaching and guiding him.

b. Nurture a Love for God: Cultivate a love for God in our son by reading the Bible together, praying regularly, and attending church services. Share stories about our own faith journey and how God has blessed our life. Encourage our son to develop a personal relationship with God through prayer and Bible reading. I am so glad David has embraced that habit of reading his bible without being told. He reads his bible every night without fails. In fact, he has already finished reading the whole bible a few weeks ago. I praise God for this.
Prayer: 

Lord, ignite a passion for You in my son's heart. Help him to develop a deep and abiding love for Your Word and Your ways.

c. Teach the Importance of Obedience: Obedience is a fundamental aspect of godly living. Teaching our son the importance of obeying authority figures, including parents, teachers, and any members of our family. Explain that obedience is a sign of respect and love for others.
Prayer: 

Lord, help my son to develop a spirit of obedience. Teach him to honor authority and to follow Your commands.

d. Model Godly Behavior: Children learn by watching their parents. Strive to model the godly character traits you want your son to develop. Be honest, kind, compassionate, and forgiving. Let your actions speak louder than your words.
Prayer: 

Lord, help me to be a godly example for my son. Give me the strength and wisdom to live a life that reflects Your love and grace.

e. Pray for Your Child Daily: The most powerful tool we have as parents is prayer. Pray for your son daily, asking God to guide him, protect him, and fill him with His love. Trust that God hears your prayers and is working in your son's life.
Prayer: 

Lord, I entrust my son to Your loving care. Guide his steps, protect his heart, and fill him with Your Holy Spirit. May he grow into a godly man who brings glory to Your name.

Remember, raising our children is a journey that requires much patience, perseverance, and unwavering faith. Let us incorporate these values in our hearts and ask God's guidance to help us on these areas of giving grace and showing love and commitment. May God bless us all as we raise our children for His glory.

Much Love! 

the Hourngs in Cambodia 😅😍